The Universe Is a Lie… (and other unfortunate truths)

universe

This is the universe and it lies. 

 

 

The Mr. Universe blog was not supposed to be next. As a matter of fact, I fancied a much different version of this story. For once, I thought, for once this will be something good.

There are people in the world who don’t care. They don’t’ care about, your feelings, or integrity. At all. They will be all willy-nilly with your emotions, dangle your time at the end of their fishing line—they will do whatever it takes so that they get what they want. They. Are. Reckless.

They are manipulative. Diabolical even. This is a story about Mr. Universe.

Mr. Universe…I thought for a brief second that maybe he was the lobster. Turned out that he was just a liar. He said things that should be sacred…

I am only talking to you

We super click and I trust my gut always

Me: what do you want from me? Him: everything

You gotta trust your feelings and the universe.

The UNIVERSE? Really? That was a new one and I gotta say, I was bamboozled.

Damn right I believe in the universe….but what was the universe trying to tell me? Did we click, yes…but what did MY gut say? Proceed with caution!!

Unfortunately I was right, but it’s still disappointing.

I recounted the series of events to my friend who responded with “gosh, is anyone genuine??”

I don’t know universe, you tell me….

The lesson learned is that yes, trust your gut. Trust your gut and not what the other person is saying to you. But don’t be closed off. I decided to jump in and it was the wrong choice, but maybe it was better than being closed to everything. Experiences teach us, mold us and shape us. I can only hope I am smarter and stronger each time I am a party to someone else’s faults and failings. My gut also gave me a nudge of warning, and I listened to that too.

The lesson learned is that it’s still not about me! I can control who I am, what I do and what I think. I can’t control the universe, or Mr. Universe. If he wants to lead his life as a manipulator and a liar, than he will attract much of the same. I am not wishing that on him, but we get what put out there.

The lesson learned is that I still need to work on being cool at the beginning. That’s the worst for me because I want to know where I stand immediately. Are we doing this or not? That’s not the best approach and I will have to work on chilling out or I will sabotage everything!

So, my question remains that if we do really get what we put out there, and I am putting out genuine and honesty….why am I still wading through the garbage?

I still believe in magic. I still trust my gut.

Come on universe, be kind.

Next: I’m not giving up! 

I am blue, he is gray….I am bamboozled….

Mr. Universe 1Mr. Universe 2

P.S. Dear Mr. Universe,

You don’t know what’s good. You think you do, what you are wrong. Good luck out there.

Dear Readers….a day after writing this I am wondering if I could have handled things better. Actually, I know I could have. This incident has revealed some important points that I need to work on…trusting people (whether they are trustworthy or not I suppose) instead having distrust on auto-pilot….confrontation…I already know I need to wait until I think something through I before send the text or say the words but I didn’t do that, and I often don’t, and it’s always a wrecking ball. I also realized that I need a person to be my deflector. The beginnings of a date-lationship always makes me a twisted knot of self-doubt, urgency and crazy. I need someone to help me be cool. So, in hindsight, yes, he lied. Does that make him terrible? I don’t know. Maybe I jumped the gun or maybe I did myself a favor, either way, I could have done it with more grace. I sent an apology text. Now I can live with myself.

Lesson learned….

 

 

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Back in Beesness (??)

Bumble

What’s up blogosphere?

I live in an urban area, but I commute to a small town for work. I am not a fan of small towns. They have their charm in small doses, and are probably good for raising families and good ol’ American values and all that. But there’s not even a Target there. Or a Panera. Sometimes I am tired of the drive, so I stay in a little cabin—a tiny house in a small town. I don’t like to stay there though, I told my tribe that it feels lonely there, and I am not usually a lonely-feeler.

After several lonely evenings at my small town tiny house, I decided to jump back into Bumble without giving it much thought at all. It was really hot that week. I think my brain was melted a little.

A New Plan!

This time, I had a new plan. I’ve been really thinking over this whole do I want to be independent and free or in a relationship thing. Before, I was dating for the long game. Now I’m just there for the whatever game. This may or may not be a good idea but you can’t even control the outcome of what happens anyway. It’s all a chaotic, swirling mess that has potential for awesome or disaster, like the universe, you know.

Two New Ideas

Now, I have a different filter for things when they go sideways. One day I was frustrated about the things that people do and I asked my friend, “why do dudes do blah blah??” He said, ‘goodness, in life we are all dealing. Some of us want someone but are cautiously waiting.”

pushing-a-rock-up-a-hill (LIFE)

He’s right….we are all dealing with life as it is. Never mind all the dating stuff and its array of crap. These guys are people, just like me. Maybe struggling, maybe insecure too, maybe afraid, maybe have too much on their plate, maybe have wounds and scars and baggage…I’m not on the bottom rung of the ladder and neither are they. I am going to sabotage everything I attempt to build if I don’t remember that fact. We are all just humans, as my other friend says….don’t be surprised when humans act human. I have to let go of some of the negative expectation I project on men just because of my negative experiences.

chance-the-rapper-grammy-ad-billboard

The second new idea is that I am faking the hell out of being confident. I am BELIEVING (faking it) that I am a great catch. I have a lot to offer someone (that is true) and I am acting like it. No more giving them the upper hand because I think I am fortunate to have their attention at all. I am following self-positive Instagrams and taking those positive messages to heart. I am enough. I am good, I can be someone’s something that they are looking for.

You would think that after 40ish years on Earth I could conquer that whole self-confidence thing, but I guess it just ebbs and flows just like everything else in this life. It’s like the Chumbawamba song. “I get knocked down, but I get up again!” (And sometimes pissing the night away too.)

So far, I have met two new potentials. Right after that, I deleted my account again. I don’t know why I do that….it’s just feels like wading through garbage to have to deal with the swipes and the small talk and the are they interested or aren’t they.

Are They or Aren’t They….

This is the part I hate. I don’t know how to like it better.

 

In Unrelated News….You must Watch This!

It’s a train wreck and you cannot look away. I promise you! Set your DVRs for Spouse House on TLC. Its Big Brother meets the Bachelor meets crazy-town. The put 14 singles, matched by professionals, in a house together and are all very serious about getting married. So much so, that they actually have weekly engagement ceremonies where singles propose to each other and WEDDINGS! I’m not ashamed to say that I watch it immediately when there is a new episode. Sunday nights. Trust me, you will be too flabbergasted to be disappointed!

Cries Ohhhh Ashley….you have all the feels.

Spouse-House-Missy Missy’s not leaving without a husband!

Until next time!

Buzz buzz!

Next time…The Dirty Boys and Chaste Dating and Mr. Universe—Can You Trust That Swirling Mess?

P.S. Dear RUN DMC T-shirt Guy,

Every single time I go back on Bumble we match and chat, only for me to disappear with no warning or explanation. Thank you for talking to me EVERYTIME. I am sorry I am so indecisive. If I come back and you swipe right on me again, hurry up and ask me out already! Your art is cool.