Tell Me What You Want (What You Really, Really Want)

This weekend I spent some time with a friend who is excellent at creating extra deep conversations. Afterwards as I mulled,  I again addressed the question I often ask myself in relation to the dating thing- what do I really want?

Not who. I’m not writing a recipe for my fairy godmother.  Sure, I have a list,  but that thing would be forgotten faster than the last Ariana Grande song if things clicked in that magical way. 

I mean what. Bare bones, down to the bottom of my heart-midnight-whisper-prayer want. Then I question it again, is that really what I want?

It’s not the same as what I think I want, what I think I need, after another exhausting week when I felt like I never stop hustling, those weak  moments when I just want to be in this with someone, or need a shoulder to rest my head for a moment while I catch my breath. And it’s not the same as what I think I want, after my head has been on the pillow for hours,  and the only sounds are ticking clocks and my own breathing, surrounded by extra pillows and the night streaked with the heaviness of feeling alone. Those aren’t real, in the realm of wants. Those are gaps. Gaps that can be filled- should be filled- by other things rather than trying to fit someone into my world like the corner piece that finishes a jigsaw puzzle. 

So what is it then?

Some of my favorite friends are great models for relationship goals. When I figure out what I want, I hope it’s like their marriage. They get on each other’s nerves, but they love each other crazy. When one makes a mistake, the grace is quick and automatic. They are a team,  and without a doubt, they know that they have each other’s backs no matter what. You can tell they are each other’s favorites. 

I want something like that. Not  just something to fill the gaps, but someone on my team, no matter what. And I have to wonder,  am I running out of time? Do things like that even exist anymore? And perhaps the biggest question of all, what would I have to give up to get it and am I willing to do that?

Now that you’ve stuck with me through all those unanswered questions,  I promised a review of Bumble, so here it is!

I discovered Bumble after reading an Upworthy article about how the dating app banned a guy who sent hate mail to a gal. I decided to see what it was, downloaded it, and promptly met the meatball man. (Haha)

Dubbed as the ‘feminist Tindr,’ Bumble’  is set up much the same way-swipe right if you like, left if you don’t- but if you match, the gal communicates first,  and you only have 24 hours to do it before the match disappears. 

There are some premium features you can pay for,  like unlimited time extensions and sneak peeks of right swipes. 

I liked Bumble because it seemed like there were more men who were serious about dating and relationships,  not just hookups. The drawback was related to my location. Not many people in my city (or maybe my age demographic) had heard of it yet, but I think in bigger cities it would work well. It’s also connected to your Facebook account and location so it’s harder to make fake profiles. I would probably try it again when I make up my mind. 

Until next time!

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