The Small, Small World That Only Looks Big

So, I mentioned last time that I deleted my profiles. Then, I started listening to the audio book Modern Romance, by Aziz Ansari. He reads it himself, which makes it amazing. But, he calls his audiobook listeners lazy asses for not reading, and that’s not nice. Aziz, I am driving, ok!?!

Anyway, this book is hilarious, and it tackled all of the interesting online dating questions I had related to the social sciences and psychology, and why people are so reluctant to make a choice with all those options!

In the book he talks about THE app, the one the revolutionized the online dating world. It has a really bad rap, so I have never tried it. One of my friends did and she met her match there, but I won’t say who. That online gateway to love is Tindr. The little flame icon promises hot lovin’ at your fingertips! I decided to see what all the fuss is about.

 So far, it’s not so bad. I haven’t had much time to explore it, but I did talk to one guy. Ironically, he works close to my neighborhood, we know some of the same people, and we both lived in the same horrible town when we were growing up! I said, it’s crazy that it takes an online dating site to meet someone who works a block away from you. Wild!

Anyway….last time I promised to tell the story about the man who ate the whole meatball. It’s my officemate’s favorite dating tale.

The Man Who Ate the Whole Meatball

My son dubbed this date “The Pool Boy.” My son never met this guy, but because of his name, he decided that he sounded like a pool boy. I only wish he had been an actual pool boy. That might have been a lot more fun.

Not to say he wasn’t fun…he was ….pleasant. But there was no fire! When we dated (for about six weeks) I wrote poetry about starting fires! I was waiting for inspiration….but, you know, I thought, I could make this work.

(Instagram #phoetry inspired by The Pool Boy)

So the Pool Boy was a perfectly nice man. He was responsible, had his own home, a good job, which he left to start his own business when we were dating. He had a schmancy car, which I could care less about and actually didn’t like but I’m weird like that.

We had a fun first date at my favorite coffee place. Incidentally, there was an open mic that night. I didn’t know that, but it made the date more fun and we ended up staying for the whole thing. It wasn’t even good open mic, which I think helped us bond.

On the third-ish date, we met at a popular pizza place after work on a Tuesday. I have a long commute, so I headed to the restaurant straight from work. He had secured a nice table on the patio by the time I arrived. We ordered an appetizer…a meatball. A giant, one pound meatball. The humongous meatball arrived, we both had a sliver, and then I excused myself to the ladies room.

When I came back, the meatball was gone. The whole damn thing! I tried really hard to make my face neutral, but inside I was like “Damn! He ate the whole meatball! A one pound meatball!”

I didn’t say anything. Our giant pizza came, and he was too full for more than one slice. He sent the rest of the pie home with me, saying he had shown that meatball who was boss! Mmmmhmmm, I bet you did. When it ended with The Pool Boy, I said, and I quote, “This feels really lukewarm, and I don’t want lukewarm. I want a Celine-Dion-Drive-All-Night-to-Get-to-You kind of thing.” To be clear, he ghosted me, not the other way around. I was still willing to give it a shot….

Next week:

The Paradigm of Choice, and The Mostly Mute Man

 

How hard is it to make a plan? For real!

He’s right. Flakes galore…

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