Blueprints part 2

The profile … make the Mad Men proud!

The first awkward thing about online dating is creating the profile. Luckily, I know a thing or two about marketing, however, in lieu of “selling myself,” I choose to create the most genuine profile possible. I can write a good spin, but my #1 fear about this WHOLE thing was that I would meet someone in person and they would instantly be horrified by my weight. (I am a big girl…we’ll get to THAT later. P.S. Big girls deserve love too.)

 

The selfies and the torso shot…

 

So you upload the pics … on the subject of pics, some online dating experts recommend certain types of pics; a selfie, a full body shot, one of you doing something adventurous (this explains all of the skiing pics) one in formal wear and one with friends or family. These say, look! I’m fun and I know people! Most some people don’t like taking pics of themselves or writing about themselves. This results in a lot of weird, boring and unattractive profiles. Furthermore, these only give you the very basic info about a person—like the spine of a book. You have to crack that sucker open to see what’s inside!

 

Next, meet your matches. Trying to initiate and sustain a conversation can be challenging. I tend ask questions to find out information about a person that would give me clues to their nature. This was my approach to chatting up potentials online. Maybe not the best route to take since I was very businesslike-maybe more like a Socratic interrogation and less flirtation. But I didn’t want to lead anyone on until I decided that I actually wanted to meet them in person.

 

Talk Nerdy to Me

 

Yep, that was my headline. That coupled with one of my pics (nervously because he’s scary!) cozied up to Darth Vader set the stage for the type of gent I was seeking. I learned that a wide variety of dudes like nerdy girls, and it also lead to plenty of ‘dirty librarian’ jokes (and wishful thinking.)

 

I discovered I have no patience for people who don’t want to be real.

 

“No, I am not coming over for dinner at your apartment on the first date. “

 

“No, I am not going to ‘flirt’ (dirty talk) with a stranger. Get to know me first, then we can talk about my ‘curves.’ “

 

“You want a torso pic, sure why not! Send yours first!”

 

“Yes, I’m single, this is a dating site. Isn’t everyone?” (No, actually, no…)

 

“No, I don’t want to know who much money you make, but thanks for that info!”

 

Some of these guys are persistent and will try to wear you down. “Are you ready for me yet?” Like somehow I will just run out of other options and throw in the towel of resisting dangerous encounters because I can’t stand to be single another moment. Dude, ask some questions! Have a conversation! I don’t want to hear about how you “love to pamper your woman with back rubs and home cooked candle lit dinners followed by relaxing bubble baths” unless I am certain you are not an ax murderer. My friend, who used one of the previously mentioned sites frequented by library-loungers, said she would get messages that simply said *“fwb?” They couldn’t even put forth the effort of forming a complete sentence, let alone take the time to get to know someone. I can only imagine how great they must be in bed…a smart man knows that the way to a woman’s heart (and other parts too…ok) is through her BRAIN.

 

Stay tuned for the next installment including discussion about my own relationship barriers and the story of The Dude Who Called Me Doll aka the “Air Quote” date.

 

*fwb = friends with benefits


“Listen, I was wandering. Can I ask you a question? Uh… was your father a meat burgler? Here’s why I ask: because it looks like somebody stole two fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress,” SNL’s Ladies’ Man.

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4 comments

  1. kourei · January 26

    This is amazing! Are you me??
    I’m on OkStupid, and almost every single message I get is either super lewd, or just says

    “hey”

    sounds like snatch.com isn’t much better!

    Liked by 1 person

    • wordwizjenn · January 26

      OkStupid is one of the library lounger faves! Avoid! Lol. Thank you for the compliment 😊

      Like

      • kourei · January 26

        Is there even a good place to be? I have found at least one decent guy amongst all the “hey”s and librarian fetishists but boy, is it ever a lot of work sifting through all those chuckleheads.

        Liked by 1 person

      • wordwizjenn · January 26

        Bumble has been the best so far.

        Liked by 1 person

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